You're not from Alabama if you've ever said

1. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex."
2. Duct tape won't fix that.
3. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken's.
4. We don't keep firearms in this house.
5. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
6. Do you think my hair is too big?
7. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
8. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
9. Deer heads detract from the decor.
10. Trim the fat off that steak.
11. I've got it all on a floppy disk.
12. My fiance, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
13. Checkmate.
14. She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
15. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
16. Elvis who?

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You might be from Alabama if .....

1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
2. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
3. You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
4. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
5. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
6. You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
7. You clean your fingernails with a stick.
8. Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
9. There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door and chalk body-outlines on the floor..
10. You ever got too drunk to fish.
11. You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
12. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
13. You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
14. You've ever financed a tattoo.
15. You've ever bought a used hat.
16. You're considered an expert on worm beds.
17. Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
18. You learned to drive in a monster truck.
19. Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.
20. You believe pro wrestling should be an Olympic competition.
21. You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.
22. You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.
23. Rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you "bring your own."