The Best Things About Hell

  1. None of that discriminatory and annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter
  2. Plenty of legal help available for "wrongful death" lawsuit
  3. No better entertainment than Satan's confused attempts to torture masochists.
  4. Sure it's hot, but it's a "dry" heat.
  5. Free prostate checks daily
  6. you can sit in on Presidential Bridge Game with Nixon, Harding, and LBJ until Clinton dies
  7. The surprisingly entertaining "Hitler and Kathy Lee Show"
  8. Karaoke with Sinatra every Thursday
  9. Plenty of smoking sections
  10. rasslin' is real, Vlad the Impaler still wearing the belt
  11. makes death seem great if your life was in Bakersfield
  12. free Microsoft software (Satan gets it free, based on a certain deal made in early 80's)
  13. everyone gets free lead pipes, and Nancy Kerrigan can't cover her knees
  14. Big money in "Welcome OJ" t-shirts